I'd like to drive...

The teenager of the house is close to getting his license so I'm wondering what's in all this for me. I mean, I'm the loyal dog here - shouldn't I be getting more opportunities to score car rides with another person in the household driving? I guess we'll have to see but I'm looking into things just to cover my bases. I went to the DMV website to investigate what it takes to get a driver's license here in California. So far I haven't seen anything to suggest that dogs are not allowed to drive so that is encouraging.  

I did try to call someone to ask questions but they couldn't understand me and threatened me with harassment of a government offical. Oh well - let them come and get the goofball owner - see how much I care. I would love thought to score a license for myself so I could get the freedom of hitting the open road. It would be great - I'd drive everywhere with my head out the window - enjoying the whip of the wind as it brushed the fur away from my face. I could also howl excitedly while scoring bunches of points taking out all the feral cats running about the streets of Burbank. Maybe they'd even give me a medal or something? My God, that would be beautiful! Well, at the very least I'll still have the teenager if my license doesn't work out. Maybe he will let me be the navigator? Have a great day folks!

Finally!!!

Congrats goes out to the big doofus who finally secured a job for himself late last Friday. I'm shocked - can't imagine anyone who would hire the guy. I wouldn't hire him to man a lemonade stand let alone any position of importance! The only answer I can come up with is that he really must have buffaloed somebody up this time! Anyway, he starts this week so now I will not have to bear with any of his distractions during the day. Unfortunately his wife and brats will still be here but they are only minor annoyances.

I'm hoping the big goofball's absence will enable my research and book project proving my hypothesis on a revolutionary new green energy source that has not been considered by humans yet. I'll keep you posted. I also plan to write my memoir and maybe a book of canine poetry. Lastly, I'm trying to arrange a canine support group for other like-minded dogs on the street who need help dealing with the idiocy of their owners. I'll keep you posted as things develop. Have a great day!

Weekend Warrior...

I've been thinking about maybe joining the California National Guard as a guard dog.  Of course at ten years of age - I may not be what they are looking for. Then again, recruitment may be down during this time of war so they may take me after all. I'm free of fleas and the hot spot is being taken care of - lamp shade should be off in a few days so maybe I'll stop by the recruitment station to chew the fat and see what the deal is. 

Maybe they have tuition reimbursement? Then I could train to be an orthodontist or something and prepare myself for a life after security? That would then give me the means to venture out and get my own place away from the idiot owner and his family here at Doofus and Co. Boy, that sure would be great! The only hitch that I can see is that the life expectancy of the average German Shepherd is only about thirteen years - being ten years doesn't give me very much time. I guess I'll have to give this some more thought over the weekend. Enjoy folks!

It's a hot spot...

A little girl looked at my paw today and asked why I was missing a patch of fur. She couldn't understand me but she should know that living with the idiot makes me so nutsy with emotions that I fixate my cleaning all on one spot on my body - usually somewhere on one of my paws. I don't know why but I like it/need it/love it/ can't get enough of my own fur from that spot. It's all I can think about - it's what I do.

Of course this has led to some sideway stares from the goofball. Now I just saw him trolling around the garage, which means if I'm not careful I'm going to get the party-dog treatment. Yes, that's right, I'll get to wear the lampshade until this habit is broken. I don't know why he won't just let me live my dream of licking through one side of my paw to the other but he continues to be the world's biggest buzz kill. I'm so disgusted that I'm going outside right now to lick the hell out of this paw and there is nothing he can do about it!!!! Good day!

Hopefully...

The big doofus owner went on a job interview today - I'm not too hopeful - he's been out so long he has that stink of desperation about him. Oh well, hopefully he'll get the position so we can finally be rid of him. After all, I have my eye on a new studded collar that I saw while walking past the pet shop the other day. I've sacrificed enough - being forced to eat lesser grade food since his position was, "downsized" Of course I don't think its possible for him to be physically downsized but that is another story. Have a great day folks.

Come on in!

Another batch of humans are coming for a visit today and staying for a few weeks! This of course means even less time for me to write my thoughts on the computer since everyone will be all in my face telling me how much of a pretty dog I am and so on and so forth. Wait, what am I complaining about - that sounds pretty good actually. Also, more kids means more food dropped on the ground. More adults also means more food dropped because they are sure to go on a few nightly benders. Ah yes - visitors - bring them on!

I'm bored...

Pretty boring around here lately now that everyone is home for the summer. Now there's no time for high jinks. Fathers day went by quickly thank God! I spent the whole day hiding out in the my dog hole while they had festivities honoring the house idiot. I hope that fool didn't expect any gifts from me. After all - he's not my father - warden is more like it. Yep, a big buffoon of a warden is what I say. 

 You know, after thinking this over, I might have made the goofball something for Father's Day after all. I left it for him in the back yard but most people probably wouldn't consider it a gift. It will have to do since I don't have any human cash and never get any opportunities to go out shopping. Internet shopping is also out - especially after he sent back all the cases of Alpo I bought a few years back. He never did figure that one out.

Well, I'm off now for some cold iced tea and then a bit of rolling in the sunshine. It's a beautiful day here in Burbank now that June gloom appears to have wrapped up! It looks like morning sunshine from here on out for the rest of the Summer. Have a great day folks!