It all started this morning when a few of the local cats gathered in front of my fence. Shadow -their leader was the speaker of the group. This alone came as a surprise for I had just chased him up a tree the night before after finding him in our back yard hunting mice. I figured this was going to be about that incident since it allowed one of his mice to escape. Anyway, he stated the group's remorse that our neighborhood feud has been going on as long as it has and he lamented the amount of casualties the war has produced - all on his side. He proposed we start again fresh by establishing a dialogue of peace and friendship. To prove their seriousness on this issue, he disclosed that they had all chipped in and got me a present - an all expense paid trip to Hawaii. He then continued by saying that they were all concerned that the stress of my job was beginning to affect my mental and physical health in a negative way. I couldn't have agreed more - especially knowing how my stress grows when I'm dealing with the village idiot. Needless to say, I was blown away by their compassion and generosity.
After thanking them and telling them how much I was touched, they brought out a big box that they had been hiding in the side bushes. On top of the box they had scrawled in blue crayon, "TO HAWAII" Well, it all appeared legit which helped to ease my mind of that lingering thought that they were up to something - I'm skeptical by nature. Anyway, I asked when I was to leave and they said that they had arranged for a truck to pick me up in a few minutes. Wow, I had to hurry if I was going to be ready in time. I quickly went inside and gathered everything I was going to need - my best collar, one bottle of sunscreen, and most importantly - my Reese's beach towel for spending time on the beach or in case I needed to disguise myself as a Seeing Eye Dog in order to get some food. Man, I couldn't wait to get to those luaus!
After gathering my stuff, I rushed outside to where the cats were waiting for me with the open box. I must admit that it did take all my self-control to keep from attacking them, but I didn't want to ruin my golden opportunity so used that as motivation to keep my cool. Next, Shadow said that I needed to get inside the box so that they could seal me up for the trip. Man, those guys thought of everything because inside the box was everything I was going to need - a blanket, a bowl of food, and also some water. Once I got comfortable, they placed a lei around my neck, wished me aloha, and then proceeded to tape the box shut. I was so excited waiting for my big adventure to begin!
As I waited to be picked up, I made a list of all of the activities I wanted to do -snorkeling, volleyball, and night-time campfires were right at the top. Man, I couldn't wait! Finally, my moment had arrived for I heard a vehicle coming into the driveway, my heart pounded in anticipation - it must be the truck! Tragically, my excitement was quickly vanquished when I heard a car door open and then the unmistakable lumbering sound of my idiot owner walking up the driveway. He was returning home from delivering the kids to school. I sat quietly as he walked around the box - no doubt inspecting it. I hoped that he would just ignore the box and head straight into the house but instead he opened the box and stood dumbfounded from finding me inside. "What the hell is going on?" he screamed as he pulled me out of the box and hustled me inside the gate - killing my vacation plans.
As I was being forced inside the gate, the old guy from down the street - who is usually known for yelling at kids - came walking on by. He appeared to be in an exceptionally good mood for some reason and was whistling as he strolled. This all made the owner suspicious so he asked the old guy whether he had something to do with my being placed inside the box. Of course the old guy had no clue what was going on and after shooting the owner an odd look, asked him what kind of drugs he was on. The owner became furious at this and screamed that the old guy should stay away from our house. This made the old guy storm off - spouting mumbled profanities all the way back to his home.
Just as things were beginning to settle down, a garbage truck pulled in front of our house and the driver asked if someone had called to have an extra garbage pick-up. The owner said no, but since they were here - they could take the big box in the driveway. Thankfully though, the owner grabbed my stuff before the garbage men could load and compact it with the rest of the garbage. Afterwards, I went to lie down in my dog hole behind the hibiscus bush - depressed that my trip had been ruined. You know I never did hear that truck that was supposed to come and pick me up for my trip but I suppose I was too depressed to notice anything. Have a good day folks!