What am I doing...

Sometimes I feel that life is just passing me by. It seems just like yesterday that I was a spry young pup without a care in the world. I had friends, enjoyed obedience school, and generally looked forward to what life had in store for me. Then, before you can say, "Kibbles and bits" I'm a senior citizen, stuck in a dead end job with an employer that I don't care much for. Retirement? Highly unlikely  since I have not heard any word of them bringing on any more help around here. I guess their plan is to work me until the day I die. I should have organized years ago when the hamster and fish were around. We had power in numbers back then. We might have made a difference.  No wonder I'm depressed  with all the past opportunities I've missed. To be fair to my owners, my inability to coexist with other dogs may have something to do with their employment decisions but I'm certainly not going to blame myself. Add in my hip problems and failing eyesight and it's enough to make you want to stay on the rug all day.

 I'm starting to struggle with my job. The other day I was on patrol when I saw one of those no good, black and white cats (why are all animals black and white?) strutting in front of the house like it was a Saturday night or something. The arrogance - I just lost it! I went into full on tunnel vision mode. That's when I really can't focus on anything else but taking down the vermin in front of me.  Wow, I'm getting a rush just thinking about it!  Anyway, this flea bitten mongrel is strutting it's stuff and I start my tirade with my best ferocious snarl and then work my way into what I like to call my, "constant bark". That is where I'm barking and you would swear that I'm not even breathing since one bark follows another in quick succession like that of a Gatling gun. Back in the day, it used to send interlopers scurrying but much to my amazement, the  lousy cat just ignored me! At first I thought there was something wrong - like it was deaf or, "special" but then I heard the little stain of the animal world say something to a crow on a branch above about it being a nice day. I was completely and utterly crushed! I went and planted myself behind the hibiscus bush and spent the rest of the day mulling over my life and generally feeling sorry for myself. 

Where did it all go wrong? I think it may have started when they took me away to have me fixed. I've had problems enjoying life since then - and gained a lot of weight which they said would happen.

 It also doesn't help that my life is on display twenty four - seven.  Man, could the owners at least build some kind of screen in the backyard so I could have some privacy when I squat for once! Out of all things - I think that is what bothers me most! Humans act like it's some kind of movie or something. Then they run and get the shovel and throw it in a bin - what are they saving it for? You'd think it was gold or something. I know they don't appreciate their privacy being invaded. On a few occasions I've walked in and just stared at them while they where on their white seats. Now, what was that phrase the owner said that one time? Oh yes, that I was giving him the creeps. Well turn about is fair play is what I told him as I exited. Of course, like always, he just let me walk out without any comment. Sometimes I think he doesn't understand me. Every now and then he seems to show some intelligence when I say something to him but mostly he either ignores me or responds with some stupid question about  Timmy being down a well.  Who the heck is Timmy and why is he fixated on whether this kid is down a well? He also asks his dumb question with the same stupid grin on his face which makes me angrier yet. I really need to get away.

I'm ten now. Probably have another four to five years  - if I'm lucky. Maybe I should move to Miami  so I can enjoy the remainder of my time. Just check out and enjoy myself. I could take up painting. Probably not though since the lack of opposable thumbs make us dogs poor artists. The idea is a nice one though. I'll have to give it more thought. Have a good weekend! 

My owner says no more Ford cars...

I believe the big dope had a bad day at the Ford dealership in North Hollywood today. He came home in a huff. I'm not sure what happened, only that he had left early this morning for a nine o'clock appointment but did not get back until five in the afternoon. Boy was he mad! He said that they originally stated that the work would be finished sometime around noon so he decided to stick around to avoid having to find a ride back to the dealership if he went home. In his mind, three hours was not too bad. Unfortunately, when he checked back at 12:30 he was told that the guy working on the car was nowhere to be found. Additionally, the service advisor admitted that the work had not even been started. This was after he was told at 10:30 am that they had started working on the car.  The problem was pretty simple  - some burnt out bulbs in the rear of the vehicle and also a warning light pertaining to the airbugs or something.

The main problem was that his 2005 Mustang convertible has been out of warranty due to time limits since August 2008. The owner was not concerned though because his car had not even come close to the 30,000 mile limit. He is currently at 13,680 miles. He says the milage is awfully low to be having  these types of minor problems. He had similar problems years before with his Honda CRV but Honda honored their warranty even though his years had expired because, like in this case, he still had low mileage on the car. The family traditionally keeps the milage low. Anyway, I'm  guessing that this type of attitude is probably why Ford is in trouble during this downturn and Honda is not. There is something to be said about customer service. The owner stated that when the dealership held fast to the three year limit  he called the national Ford customer service help line. Unfortunately, all they could do was take a report - nothing else! A customer service department that only take reports? What for?! Anyway, he wound up paying for the light bulbs because he figured common sense would eventually win out and the dealership or Ford Customer service would reimburse him. It's only good business to take care of a small bill after the customer has dropped upwards of 31,000 on a car in the last three years. Unfortunately once again - that did not turn out to be the case. 

Overall, the owner does not mind too much since he says it is his price to pay to get out of a bad relationship. He even stated that he was relieved he would never have to pay that dealership ever again. Additionally, he is not planning to buy any more Ford products as well. I wouldn't put it past him to sell the car in the near future so as to get rid of it before it costs him any more money.

 The final insult was discovered tonight when he took the older son to baseball practice and they discovered that the mechanics had reinstalled the passenger seat incorrectly. Now the seat belt receptacle will not easily receive the holding clip. The poor dolt will have to return again to the dealership so they can fix their mistake. He says he would rather bathe in hot oil. 

Oh well, I hung out and slept most of the day. No intruders except for the little guy with blue shorts and leather pouch who stuffs papers thru the mail slot. Man I hate that guy!!! I'm going to go now and have a few biscuits that the owner placed in my bowl. Hey, maybe he isn't that mad after all. Good night!

Ok, I'm back...

After an extended leave of absence - I am  back. The family was hanging around while the kids had spring break so I was off my game. It was kind of nice to have the family around for a change - lots more food hits the ground when they are around. I must have gained an extra 10 lbs the past week! Nothing new in the ways of job search for me or the owner. He is contemplating going back to school in the fall to finally finish his bachelors degree. He has chosen to pursue Physical Therapy since it is said that the medical field will be a safe choice for professionals for some time. I'm sticking to the security game - still waiting for the old guy down the street to call me in for an interview. I think he is upset with my submission because he looks skeptically at the house whenever he passes by these days. The owner was taken aback the other day when the old guy asked him what he was trying to pull. The owner did not know of my job search - thinking that I was happy to continue on. He and the old man had a few words and I heard the owner tell the old guy he was losing his mind or something of the sort. Anyway, I guess I'll have to try sending out more resumes. 

The family had a family game night over the weekend and invited a few families to participate. Of course they lost as usual -sad losers that they are, and presented the winning family with a trophy that they had whipped up for the occasion. Dinner was a combination of lasagna and spaghetti. The spaghetti was intended for the vegetarians who were invited since the lasagna was of the meat variety and a bit of nervousness was experienced when most attendees filled their plates with the spaghetti option. Not to worry though since more pasta and sauce was on hand to make and thus avoid any embarrassment. A fun time was had by all with drinks, games, and general revelry. The family enjoys entertaining even though they should probably avoid such things while the male owner is between jobs. I was outside for most of the night patrolling the grounds making it safe from Burbank roof rats and other such vermin who were determined to spoil the occasion. There were a few occasions where a child would open the door allowing me to run freely into the house and claim whatever food was dropped on the floor . Oh, it was glorious! I filled my gullet with all manner of garlic bread and pasta products dropped mainly at the smaller table that was made up of the younger human types. I also got the lion share of head pats and body rubs that reminded me of my youth. The family is not as enthusiastic in public displays of affection as when I was a pup so I'll take what I can get these days. Of course every time the owner saw me in the house he would corral me back outside  saying that my bushy fur was getting all over people but I don't believe it was as bad as he stated. 

Well things are back to normal in the backyard now that everyone is back on their normal schedules. I've been trying to chase the birds that are building a house on the back porch but they are tormenting me since they know that I can't reach their height. I tried to throw my ball up at them but my side to side head toss technique does not allow for throws higher than a few feet and  thenI get more ribbing from the birds for the failed attacks. I guess I'll try to ignore them and sleep in the sun for awhile. Have a good day all!

Another Monday...

Well, I haven't written in a while so I thought I should post something. The owner is still looking for work and he older boy has just left for a week in Arizona - something about a baseball tournament. Man that kid gets to go everywhere! Meanwhile, I the dog, stand guard in the backyard making the house safe from vandals and infidels. I'm not sure what is going on with me at nights. Lately, I've been waking myself up in the middle of the night (nightmares) and scurrying through the house in a mad dash. This doesn't happen during the day - only at night time. My owner thinks I'm going crazy. Just to make sure that I'm not the only miserable one at night I've been making sure to wake the house by getting a good head start trot before plopping myself on the floor to go back to sleep. My owner compares it to a big game animal being taken down by rifle fire during a stampede. I think he is annoyed with me.

Tough to be a dog...

I don't get it - I was outside most of the day! What? Did they forget about me? Don't get me wrong, I like to be outside but dogs are sociable creatures and I know there were people at home today! The little one was still sick and the owner's wife was at home today as well. The only attention I received this morning was when the big guy popped out to yell at me for not chasing the birds away from the back porch. Come on - sure they are little annoyances but all they were trying to do was build a small home. Besides, having them around attracts the areas cats to come around and if they decide to try and enter my yard ... Whoa Nellie!!!! We're having cat for dinner! Anyway, they nerve of these people keeping me outside most of the day! I'm thinking about going on strike. Still haven't heard back from the old guy down the street. I dropped a resume off the other day. Hopefully he is looking for new security . I'm pretty confident that he wound't make me stay outside all day.

Monday...

Weekend went by way too fast! Human owner came out into my sector and finally trimmed the lawn. Thank God, I was beginning to think that I was living in the bush! Anyway, the older kid is feeling better but the younger one has switched places and now has fever, congestion, and nausea. The owner is doing his usual worry session and is currently busy watching over the sleeping boy which gives me the few minutes to post. I'll write more when things get back to normal around here.

Oh Yeah... Friday!!!

Well, it's the best day of the week - thank God!  All there is to do today is coast through the workday, go to happy hour, and maybe chase a car or two. After that, it's just relax and enjoy the weekend, and  it couldn't have come at a better time. I must admit that this week was a wee bit trying at times. My owner is REALLY wearing on me! Can he please just find a job already and get out of my fur! My God, I have to either get on the computer to write these posts at the crack of dawn, or wait the whole day as he pretends to search for work. I'm not sure how many times one person can frequent ESPN for updates throughout the day but this guy is trying to break the record! Overall, I'm burnt about everything lately, economy, lack of exercise, poor nutrition - damn cheap food gives me gas, my owner, and yada, yada - the list goes on and on. 

You want to know what I'm growing most tired of hearing? All the complaining on human television about the human US President. He sounds like an alright owner - he is supposedly getting a dog for his kids so he can't be too bad. His color and coat appear pretty good - I just don't see the problem. We dogs just had an election for our President recently. You wouldn't have known because, duh, we don't have television coverage.  So unless you have been listening to the five o'clock howlings the last few weeks, you'd be in the dark. Anyway, it was a landslide - as you humans would call it. Comet, "Labrador" Franklin won on his campaign promise of Universal Milk Bones and belly rubs for all. We are a bit relieved since he is more of a moderate after twenty-eight years of the hawk we had in Red, "Basset" Howell.  I'm a little skeptical that Comet will be able to pull off  his promises but word is that he has huge financial backing from the Trump family dog so we'll have to see. 

The inauguration is on the 14th of April and our President will be in control for  the next 28 years  - four human years for those of you who haven't figured it out yet. This is a huge deal for us. We used to depend on the, "leader of the pack" method for elections - that is the candidates would fight it out and the loser would be labeled as an outcast and forced from the pack but we found that to be a bit outdated since most of us are behind fences and away from the pack anyway. Additionally, our smaller, more qualified leaders had a harder time establishing themselves against larger opponents so to be fair we got away from the system that favored brute strength.  Now we have elections by bark.  Unfortunately this opens everyone up to criticism from other area pets that are backing other candidates. We  also have to be careful not to get too carried away since all the ruckus usually makes our owners angry who then throw shoes or make us come inside. It's not a perfect system but it's the best for now.

 This past election I tried to disguise my bark when voting but the dogs on the street figured it out anyway - dumb Chihuahuas! I'm tired of hearing those shaky little mongrels going on and on about their candidates - we really need some kind of secret ballet or something! Unfortunately, we'll have to make due until we regain our freedom - sometime in the future according to the Canine holy texts. Ok, that's all I got for today. Happy Friday to all!