Saturday question of the week... #7

What is your favorite recession meal?

Friday complaints...

What's buggin you today? 

Oh, the injustice! I'm tired of being pulled around town on a leash by the village idiot! It's getting to the point where I don't even want to go for walks anymore. I'm having a hard time enjoying myself because its really tough trying to block out all the snickering and off handed comments made by the other dogs about my moron these days! 

I've resorted to just ignoring him when he asks if I want to go for a walk. I'm hoping that he'll just give up and disappear, but alas he keeps after me until I give in. I'd be much happier if his wife would take me, but it's always the Man from knee-high black sockville who wins out. I suppose his wife doesn't want to be seen with him either. Anyway, let me know your injustice for the day in the comments.   

Injustice.. Inschmustice

Injustice Post #2

Oh, the injustice of this, or the injustice of that! Phooey, I like injustice! Being from the me generation, I've been conditioned to think in terms of what is in MY best interests - not others! Who cares as long as I'm getting what I want - right? Besides, without injustice, how would any of us know when were are extracting revenge on our enemies? No, I say let it ride. Also, don't forget that without injustice we'd all be walking around in Shangri-la without even knowing it. One can't truly appreciate the good times when its the only thing he or she has ever known. They'll take it for granted because they have no frame of reference. So go on out and do something nasty to someone you love and when they ask you why you did it - say it was to help them appreciate the good times. Good luck!

Where is the Injustice? Everywhere!

A site I contribute to  - Humorbloggers.com - is dedicating the month of November to fighting injustice. As a contributing writer, I'm supposed to craft stories that identify and/or inspire people to stand against injustice. Unfortunately, I don't believe any of this will do any good. Ooooh! What? Shock! Horror! No, I'm sorry to tell you...  if you're upset because you've been feeling injustice everywhere you go. You better just get used to it because it's here to stay. How do I know? Because it's part of your human condition. As long as this planet is ruled by humans - injustice will be the name of the game. Humans by nature are always looking to achieve some form of elevated status over one another so your history books are filled with stories of exploitation, murder, harassment, and other corrupt behavior. I'm just surprised that anyone even complains anymore.  

Oh, and I know your argument - But Haley, aren't there plenty of good people out there as well? Don't they all cancel each other out? Yes, there are plenty of good people out there, but the corrupt are better power mongers - it's what they do! It's no surprise then when we find out that the rotten ones own more of society than the righteous. So what is the solution? I say let us dogs take over - opposable thumbs be damned. Then you'll see a just society.

With dogs in charge - people would get along because we would be treating each other fairly as pack members of equal standing. The only extra consideration anyone would get would be based on job descriptions such as hunters receiving an extra food portion at mealtime. A-ha! You say. Ok - maybe a slight injustice if one looks at this as an outsider but don't forget that our hunters expend more energy traveling miles tracking prey. They need a little extra. Anyway, outside of those types of instances - everyone would basically be treated the same - that is unless they became too old for any usefulness. Then we'll force you from the pack so you can go off and die. Harsh? Maybe, but I challenge anyone out there to search our dog history and find one instance of genocide. Can you humans boast the same? Thought not. Ok, have a good day folks. We'll be waiting for your answer.

Another Real News Story With A Fake Twist...

Jim Cole/AP

I have bittersweet news this morning that is a bit different from the usual stories of weekend hangovers, and dealing with cases of the Mondays. Today I can proudly announce that a restaurant in Concord, N.H has brought the prestigious recognition of world's largest meatball back to the United States! That is correct folks - the world once again knows who holds sway in regards to overly rotund meatballs - hip, hip, HOORAY! The former meatball record holder from Mexico has nothing on us now after feeling the crushing effects of our mammoth 222.5 lb frame crushing its girly like 198.6 lbs! USA! USA! USA!

Organizers were exhausted and stated that breaking the record was not an easy feet. In addition to rounding up the massive amount meat products, they had to secure an oven large enough to accommodate the sphere of carnivorous delights. (Special thanks to the Johnson Family Crematorium!) Unfortunately, not all the news was pleasant for police were called in to tame an unruly group of rabble-rousers that had gathered outside the judging venue chanting, "We're hungry - give us the meatball" 

Thankfully, order was restored quickly with the help of riot police, rubber bullets, and tear gas. (Congratulations to Sergeant Smith on the impressive beat down score of 24,550!) Anyway, order was restored after the raggedy masses (consisting mainly of gaunt looking women and dirty-faced kids) were pushed back to a safe distance. Not all in attendance were happy with the way the situation was handle. 

Mayor Winston Brick stated that he was greatly embarrassment by the proceedings and called for a full investigation into the actions of the police. He went on to say that those responsible for today's events had left him sickened and had these few choice words, "Today we missed a golden opportunity to show the world our greatness. Instead of singing the praises of our juicy meatball... we now hang our heads in shame. For today we witnessed justice administered with velvet gloves when what was needed was an iron fist! How can our nation keep its standing when we can't even deal with lowlifes in an appropriate manner? I'm so sickened by this pansy display that I won't even be able to eat any of the victorious meatball now!" 

With those words, the Mayor ordered that the meatball be taken to a secured landfill and buried. Guards were then placed around the site with orders to shoot anyone who should come near. So ends the story of our world record meatball. Try to have a good day folks! At least we still have the record!

Saturday question of the week... #6

What is the best movie of all time?

No Consistency...

Ah yes, the Halloween weekend is once again upon us. How can one not be excited at the prospects of dealing with scores of costumed beggars ringing doorbells and shrieking the same half hearted line over and over and over again? What really surprises me is how we can live in a society that is so heavily against, let's say, a dog standing by the dinner table, yet so accepting of little costumed hellions begging door to door for candy! And all done during prime time if I may add. I get chased when I disturb the idiot owner during his favorite show, but oh how cute the little ones are when they come around -snot running down their  wittle faces mumbling about twicks or tweats. Can we have some consistency here? Oh, and I ain't wearing no damn costume this year so keep the hell away from me with your devil horns, witch hats, or any other idiotic device that wraps around my head and gets stuck in my fur. One last thing, if any chocolate hits the floor - its mine - and I don't care if it is poisonous. If I'm going out - I'm going out happy!