I'm starting to struggle with my job. The other day I was on patrol when I saw one of those no good, black and white cats (why are all animals black and white?) strutting in front of the house like it was a Saturday night or something. The arrogance - I just lost it! I went into full on tunnel vision mode. That's when I really can't focus on anything else but taking down the vermin in front of me. Wow, I'm getting a rush just thinking about it! Anyway, this flea bitten mongrel is strutting it's stuff and I start my tirade with my best ferocious snarl and then work my way into what I like to call my, "constant bark". That is where I'm barking and you would swear that I'm not even breathing since one bark follows another in quick succession like that of a Gatling gun. Back in the day, it used to send interlopers scurrying but much to my amazement, the lousy cat just ignored me! At first I thought there was something wrong - like it was deaf or, "special" but then I heard the little stain of the animal world say something to a crow on a branch above about it being a nice day. I was completely and utterly crushed! I went and planted myself behind the hibiscus bush and spent the rest of the day mulling over my life and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Where did it all go wrong? I think it may have started when they took me away to have me fixed. I've had problems enjoying life since then - and gained a lot of weight which they said would happen.
It also doesn't help that my life is on display twenty four - seven. Man, could the owners at least build some kind of screen in the backyard so I could have some privacy when I squat for once! Out of all things - I think that is what bothers me most! Humans act like it's some kind of movie or something. Then they run and get the shovel and throw it in a bin - what are they saving it for? You'd think it was gold or something. I know they don't appreciate their privacy being invaded. On a few occasions I've walked in and just stared at them while they where on their white seats. Now, what was that phrase the owner said that one time? Oh yes, that I was giving him the creeps. Well turn about is fair play is what I told him as I exited. Of course, like always, he just let me walk out without any comment. Sometimes I think he doesn't understand me. Every now and then he seems to show some intelligence when I say something to him but mostly he either ignores me or responds with some stupid question about Timmy being down a well. Who the heck is Timmy and why is he fixated on whether this kid is down a well? He also asks his dumb question with the same stupid grin on his face which makes me angrier yet. I really need to get away.
I'm ten now. Probably have another four to five years - if I'm lucky. Maybe I should move to Miami so I can enjoy the remainder of my time. Just check out and enjoy myself. I could take up painting. Probably not though since the lack of opposable thumbs make us dogs poor artists. The idea is a nice one though. I'll have to give it more thought. Have a good weekend!