The one who really ticked me off was the little Bichon Frise bitch, "Vuitton" She was the one who was always sashaying around each week with a different jeweled collar around her neck from her stupid collection. She thought she was all that! It was pathetic watching all the male dogs always trying to sniff that skank. And their male owners were just as bad - ogling her sparsely-clad human owner who wore a different, "Von-Dutch" trucker hat each week. Oh, the damage I wanted to inflict on those two! Vuitton was also the one who had me upset for a whole week after calling me a, "common working dog" in front of, "Sos" the Alaskan malamute. She knew we were talking about meeting up at the dog park so she went and turned him against me. Oh, how I would love to get her back! She wasn't the only one I despised - there were others.
Vuitton was closely matched by, "Maria" the shaky little Chihuahua bitch who claimed to be from Spain - yeah right! She too was acting like class was some sort of mixer and always tried her best to show me up. She actually had the nerve once to say I was big and clumsy like my owner! I responded by calling her lunchmeat and then proceeded to try and show her why. Needless to say - I had major points deducted that day for my conduct. To make matters worse, when we got home, the goofball owner complained to his wife that he was embarrassed by my behavior. He didn't even try to stick up for me - even though he heard what that dog said! It was all enough to make me want to drop out. Unfortunately, the dope kept dragging me back week after week.
I was never so glad as when I heard my name called on Graduation Day! I remember thinking " Thank God this is over!" And, " I never have to see these mongrels again!" I was free - at least until I received the reunion letter in the mail slot today. Of course it was the guy wearing the blue shorts and carrying the leather pouch who would be the one leaving it for me. I tell you, he just lives to taunt me! Everyday I bark for him to get the hell out of here and everyday he just keeps coming back anyway!
So what do I do now? My first thought was to eat the letter - preventing the owner from discovering it and getting any bright ideas. Unfortunately, I'll have to shoot that one down because of my inability to digest paper and the owner's concern regarding anomalies in my stool. I'm leaning in the direction of burying it in the back yard. This would add another level of protection since the sprinkler's water would surely ruin any traces the owner otherwise might find. Of course it will be odd depending on one of my mortal enemies, "the sprinkler" to help me out of this mess. There's gotta be a book in here somewhere. Oh well, I digress. Ok, it's decided then -burying the letter in the backyard is the way to go. Well I'm off. Have a great day!