I'm willing to bet that there are plenty of pigs out there right now as I write - watching ... and waiting for a chance to strike. Who knows, some of them may be disguised as dogs - or maybe as humans walking dogs - who are really pigs dressed in dog costumes themselves. Some might even try to throw you off by disguising themselves as other pigs - the non-swine variety. Well, don't let them fool you! Question every person, animal, plant, or rock that you may come in contact with over the next few weeks. I'm horrified thinking about all of the possible forms and/or disguises these swines might employ in order to gain our confidence and disrupt our good health. Who can we really trust anymore? Just this afternoon I found myself chastising a squirrel in the front yard lest he be a pig in disguise. None shall pass into the family yard as long as this State of Emergency exists, or while I'm on the job! Yes sir, we are going to be vermin free around here even if I have to check every big lumbering human or miniscule roly-poly.
Unfortunately, I do not possess the ability to be everywhere at all time so my superior swine identification skills will be limited to the backyard. That ultimately means that I'll be worrying about the female owner and children at their respective schools for the next few weeks. I sure hope that they'll be able to identify any hog infiltrators in their mists. Maybe I'll run a clinic or something to bring them up to speed. I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime: wash your hands, cover your mouths when you sneeze or cough, and for worry's sake, stay home if you or your loved ones are not feeling well. Remember that people have sick days for a reason so use them instead of spreading illness around the office or school. There is no shame or laziness involved in staying home to protect others from your illnesses. Keep safe out there - it's a madhouse!
