Saturday, March 19, 2011

Radiation Reaches California?

"I don't want to wear the shuit, I don't want to wear the shuit, I DON"T WANT TO WEAR THE SHUIT!" the little abomination of a shih-tzu stomped as I placed the yellow fabric hood lined with aluminum foil over his head. "Listen to me - there is radiation everywhere and if we are to be the ones to make it through this and make our own dog planet - we all have to put on our radiation suits!" Unfortunately the fool wouldn't listen to me and ran off back into the house to be with the idiot owner and the rest of the family. "Fine, see how well they take care of you... when you're in their food bowls!" I screamed as he raced off.

All morning long, the long line of neighborhood dogs has been coming and going from the compound - showing up to get the life saving radiation suits I've been making in my dog hole ever since I first heard about the problems in Japan. You see, I'm not so naive to miss the writing on the wall. I know that when the radioactive clouds start spreading out over your major cities, we dogs will be the ones who will suffer most being that we are the ones always outside in the elements. And I also realize that even if we make it though the ordeal - we will no doubt become a form of food source for you lousy humans since that is how you roll. It should be no surprise then to learn that the revolution is starting. Innocently enough by a dog making radiation suits out of the old yellow tarps and aluminum foil and passing them out my canine brothers and sisters.

The way I figure, once humans have extinguished their ability to sustain themselves, we dogs will rise up and take what is rightfully ours - opposable thumbs be damned! Our first act will be to bury your Statue of Liberty chest high for dramatic effect - then set up our empire! My God, it will be beautiful! OK, enough of this foolish writing, I have suits to make. Enjoy the weekend folks. Oh, you may want to polish up your, "Damn you... damn you all to hell!" speech since it is only a matter of time now!