Monday, May 4, 2009

I need to put a damper on this.

I just can't stand when someone is happier than me - for any reason. All day long the big simpleton has been prancing about the house - all jolly and sing-songy because it's his birthday. What the heck does he have to be joyous about? First of all, he's turning 40 and hasn't accomplished much in his life- other than weight gain. Next, he's still out of work and there doesn't appear to be any prospects on the horizon. Last but not least is he's slowly going bald. Yep, he's got the makings of a nice horseshoe on top of that huge melon he tries to pass off as a human head - attractive! I hear that the human ladies just can't get enough of those horseshoes these days.
Lucky for him - he set the trap and got his female years ago when he was thinner with a full head of hair. Otherwise, all he would have these days would be late night, "Girls Gone Wild" videos. Come to think of it, is there some kind of physical connection between the young human female's tongue and their shirts? Why is it that when they lifts their shirts  - their tongues automatically come out? ... Oh well, I guess it's like us dogs when you scratch a certain area on our stomachs and then one of our paws starts to move.  Ok, I better go now - I hear him coming closer  - singing that annoying happy birthday song again. Maybe I should go chew on the corner of the television - or one of his old baseballs in the plastic cases. That would snap him back to reality. Have a good day folks!