So the little human of the house was eating a meal from some Mc-something or other place tonight when he left the table to visit that closet the humans go every now and then to hide. I swear that closet smells a lot like the grassy area outside where I drop my Alpo remnants but I digress. Anyway, so the kid runs to the closet and once again I am put in a situation where I can either control my wild food cravings or let loose like a hillbilly locked overnight at a Bass Pro Shop. Needless to say, I resorted to my usual antics - really couldn't help myself!
The first thing I did was tell that little abomination of a shih tzu to jump up on the table and knock the food down to my waiting appetite - which he did eagerly because he adores me - fool. And what to my amazement hit the floor mixed in with all the other run of the mill burgers and fries, but a good dose of pure nectar of the Gods - minty green concoction of absolute delight! I tell you I practically stuck my snout through the damn floor trying to get as much of that cool goop into my gullet before the shrieking started from the little one. And when that little flesh bag with air raid siren hidden inside started - it was accompanied by the unmistakable uncontrolled rumblings of the blubbery doofus striking walls and crashing his way into the dining room from his usual dent in the living room lazy-boy! Scooping the abomination off the table with one swollen hand and grabbing my collar with the other, we were whisked to the great outdoors for the duration.
I tell you there's nothing quite like being stuck outside with the Shih-tzu. He looked at me and asked so innocently, "What happened?" I just sighed and stated that a 400 plus lb leprechaun had just given us the beat down once again. One of these days that chubby simpleton will get his... he'll get his!