Love the people of Japan - nice people, great culture, and absolute lovers of dogs! So when I heard about the recent tragic events, my mind started racing about how I, a ninety-something pound dog could help. Today it came to me! To the People of Japan I submit to you today - my sumo-like, idiotic owner to help you in your time of need. Use him anyway you like but may I suggest that he would be a fantastic candidate to enter nuclear reactors to fight warming and possible melt downs? Don't worry about finding a radiation suit for him since I don't believe they make them in XXXXXXXL sizes. Besides, I don't really need him back nor the rest of the house from what I can tell.
Well, I guess all that's left to do is have someone come over to claim the new worker. He's in the backyard right now pulling weeds in the garden. All someone would need to do is pop over right now and place a few industrial sized darts (the ones usually reserved for elephants) from a tranquilizer gun into that plump derriere. Then it's just a matter of carrying him away to the land of the rising sun - possibly in the hull of an empty oil tanker? For my part, I promise that I won't even bark when you show up. So good luck and God speed my good friends!