Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I don't need a stinking bath!

The nerve of that big idiot! I tell you - his gall knows no limit! Can you believe that he actually  told me this morning that I'm getting a bath today because I stink? Me...stink?! I don't stink .... HE STINKS! I smell fresh and natural .. like the soils of the earth. He on the other hand, smells like that malodorous soap that most humans use. That is with the exception of his feet, which I must admit to being quite partial to. But I digress. Say, who defines society's standard of what smells good anyway Humans? Why should they decide? They don't even have half the sense of smell we dogs have. And why should we conform to the human standard anyway? It's simple, we have the  better sense so we should be the ones who decide. 
Unfortunately, that dreaded time is drawing near. Soon he will  come and grab me with those clumsy meat mitts of his and rough me up in that tub in the back yard. I tell you, there is just no civility in the man. He is a complete and utter Neanderthal! How dare he treat a lady in such a manner! I don't see him grab the human female of the house like that. He sure doesn't - and with good reason. She sure would show him where to get off if he tried a maneuver like that on her. She would brain that mental midget! Maybe if I make enough noise -animal services will show up and take care of the big goon. 
He should at least allow me the decency of washing inside like the rest of the family. But no, I wash outside because he say my fur clogs the drain. Didn't this guy ever hear of drain screens? I tell you what - I'm going to shake every time he soaks me and make sure he is taking a bath as well. That's right - I'll show him who's boss. And as soon as all this is done, I'm heading straight for my dirt hole to lie down. Let him come into the bush if he doesn't like it. Really, I just don't know how much more of this man I can take. He's going to have me drinking early this morning for sure. Oh well, you all have a great day! I have to go. I hear his lumbering  - it must be that time.