Monday, June 1, 2009

Is it safe?

So I got into the garbage this morning and lost control- I ate waste like a crazed animal. Whatever I couldn't eat, I merrily rolled around in...  It's what I do.  Anyway, as I was just about finish, I heard the unmistakable sound of early morning doofus traffic coming from the den of the dimwit. Had my frolicking stirred the big moron to action or was it that I just lost track of his wake up time in all of my excitement? Before I could get untangled from the heavenly wrappings of old banana peels, used coffee filters and remnants of the shredded hefty bag, the lumbering fool rounded the corner rubbing his dull eyes and scratching his partially covered - from drooping boxers - derriere. 

Unfortunately for me, my scene was not well received. I was read the riot act while being rudely escorted  to the back door by the collar. If that wasn't bad enough, I was then gruffly told to get out and stay out. Baby Huey then stomped back inside to further disrespect me by cleaning up my fabulous creation. Every now and then he would stop and glare out the window - scrunching his face in disapproval in order to administer a dose of the old gypsy eye. Of course I always find this ineffective because when he scrunches his doughboy face, those two unkempt eyebrows of his become kissing caterpillars -making him look like a fat faced Bert from Sesame Street complete with unibrow. His comical look is further cemented by early morning hair, which always stands up straight. 

So now I've been banished to the frigid outside world of Burbank, CA. I swear it must be about 68 degrees out here this morning. I wonder if I can report him for abuse? Well, at least he filled my water bowl but that doesn't make this any easier to endure. What nerve this guy has - I'm not sure if I can ever forgive him after this! And where does he get off taking all of my glorious garbage and throwing it away? I worked hard to get that pantry door open and then the bag  - nobody wanted that stuff anymore so I claimed it. If anyone knows a good lawyer here in the Burbank area I'd sure appreciate a referral. Ok, I'm going to my dog hole and hopefully calm down... darn stupid owner! Have a good day folks!