Thursday, April 30, 2009

What ... are you trying to give me a heart attack?

It's quiet around here ... and that's dangerous. What I mean by that is every now and then the simpleton owner gets in a mood and decides to ambush me by hiding around corners and jumping out to scare me. That fool forgets I'm ten years old (70 in dog years) and slightly overweight - my heart can't take this crap. The vet says I'm obese but I say big boned  - and one has to take that into account when trying to figure out body mass index. Besides, had they not fixed me when I was younger, I wouldn't even be having this slight weight problem. Anyway, the pinhead owner has already gotten me a few times tonight and it's getting old fast. Maybe this little game used to fly when I was younger but I'm a senior citizen now! How much longer does he think I can take this? For retaliation,  I should go and chew on one of his new loafers in the closet - that would change his mood. Or better yet,  I could break into the garbage, eat myself silly, and then make myself get ill all over the floor. This is brilliant because of his earlier idiocy, his wife will blame him for working me up and I'll get a free pass. Man I love being smarter than the owner. Ah ... Good times ... Good times!

Forget the Swine Flu - Spring Fever is all around.

All I've been seeing lately are nutty kids running the streets of Burbank all jacked up on Spring - at least we hope that is all they are on. They prance about - some holding hands, others jumping trash cans or having shopping cart races down the street. As their collective nuttiness rises, so too does the anxiety/stress levels of Police officers, store owners, and Teachers all across the land. I can see it first hand in the lead female here at home  - she is a Teacher. Her class was bad enough this past year before the kids contracted Spring Fever - now they are practically unbearable. Unfortunately, it sounds as if these kid's parents only view school as baby-sitting  so are unconcerned when their kids act up. Many did not even attend the school's open house night. This all makes for interesting theatre when she comes home and vents to the big goofball. It's about the only time I ever feel sorry for him. Thankfully, I'm sent outside. Our own kids are affected by this Spring Fever as well but the antidote of limiting freedom as crazy levels rise is still an effective treatment. I sure hope Summer arrives soon!