I'm so right on some times it scares me. I've been telling people for years about the dangers of the outside wild vermin - but somehow it always falls upon deaf ears. My job here at the compound is to patrol the grounds and keep the possums, squirrels and raccoons from infiltrating the perimeter. But I'm always hearing about how those raccoons are so cute this or adorable that. I've been called a bully by the neighbors and even my goofball owner for chasing the little rat bastards off the grounds. Well folks -here is the story that sets the record straight.
In Lakeland Florida, a 74 year old Grandmother was viciously attacked by a band of five roaming raccoons. The woman had noticed the five in the front yard and decided to go out and shoo the little dears away. What the old woman didn't know is that those little masked bandits had a 55 gallon drum of kick-ass waiting for her. Once she was outside they reared and attacked - knocking her to the ground - scratching and biting her mercilessly. The sheriff on the scene afterwards said he was shocked at the amount of damage those five were able to administer.
Residents have now banded together putting out traps to capture the five but the damage has been done. Too often people have underestimated the little animals of the world. A lousy squirrel would love nothing better than to go for your jugular or groin, and rabbits always go for the eyes when they attack. Even your so called - gentle hummingbird becomes an instrument of death when moving at the proper speed and flying straight into your temple with that long pointed beak. So heed my warnings - do not approach these little animals unless you are prepared to dance with the reaper. Man I deserve a raise around here. Have a great day folks!