Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Christmas is coming and I'm ready!

I'm tired of it! Every Christmas some fat bastard in a red and white outfit breaks into our home and places all manner of junk toys and other crap under our beautiful Christmas tree. It's enough to make one sick. I'm sure the only reason this happens is to discredit and embarrass me since I'm head of security here on the compound. The goofball owner is no doubt involved. Well no more! I will not be made the fool any longer!

I've spent all week planning how to stop the obese phantom once and for all! First I've placed those spiky nails use to keep pigeons away all over our rooftop. If the rotund mound places one step on our roof he'll be popped like an over inflated balloon! Next, I glued all our windows shut with the craft glue I found in the garage. I hope it is strong enough. If not - my best case scenario would have the portly litterbug going into full cardiac arrest fighting to force them open! If he does decides to use the door method, I've boarded up the back door and plan to plant myself right at the front door in order to unleash hell on anyone who comes through it with a full dose of canine furry. 

Yup, I'm done with the fat guy in the red and white suit and sweet victory will be mine this year. I'll let you know how it turns out. Happy Holidays everyone!

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