Thursday, April 30, 2009

What ... are you trying to give me a heart attack?

It's quiet around here ... and that's dangerous. What I mean by that is every now and then the simpleton owner gets in a mood and decides to ambush me by hiding around corners and jumping out to scare me. That fool forgets I'm ten years old (70 in dog years) and slightly overweight - my heart can't take this crap. The vet says I'm obese but I say big boned  - and one has to take that into account when trying to figure out body mass index. Besides, had they not fixed me when I was younger, I wouldn't even be having this slight weight problem. Anyway, the pinhead owner has already gotten me a few times tonight and it's getting old fast. Maybe this little game used to fly when I was younger but I'm a senior citizen now! How much longer does he think I can take this? For retaliation,  I should go and chew on one of his new loafers in the closet - that would change his mood. Or better yet,  I could break into the garbage, eat myself silly, and then make myself get ill all over the floor. This is brilliant because of his earlier idiocy, his wife will blame him for working me up and I'll get a free pass. Man I love being smarter than the owner. Ah ... Good times ... Good times!

13 comments:

  1. you should reprise the ambush game at night when hes asleep, humans never expect to be ambushed in their sleep!

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  2. Great idea - I'm going for it tonight!

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  3. You know how you get that urge to pee after being startled? Just go with that feeling next time, Haley. I'm thinking that will bring a quick end to the jump-scares.

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  4. Or...you could do one of those melodramatic fake heart attacks like Fred Sanford and say (er, bark) "Lizbeth, I'm comin'! This is the big one! etc. etc. etc.

    That oughta show him. Although I do like the barf idea you had, too. And Shawn has something with the pee idea as well.

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  5. I agree with Shawn, just guzzle out of the toilet bowl to your heart's content, and at the next scare attempt, just let the ol' bladder go.

    Good dog.

    Oh, and Haley, you might want to check out a book entitled "Life is Good" which was written by Dean Koontz's dog Trixie. Another great canine author such as yourself.

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  6. You could pretend you have to go out every half hour or so in the evening. And then, when he gets out of bed and waits to let you back in, you just wander around the backyard for a while, and then come back inside.

    Do that about three times, and revenge is yours.

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  7. Wow, you guys are on it! I should have started this blog years ago!

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  8. I think you should forgo chewing on the loafers and just take a dook in them instead.

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  9. Leave hime a dook?! I hardly think he's that special! I reserve dookie giving to my best friends only.

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  10. 'take a dook...'oh that was nuts!

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  11. I know what you mean, Haley. I have a beagle, Bernadette, and our vet thinks she should lose weight, too. He just doesn't understand it's those last 10 pounds of baby weight..

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