Tuesday, June 2, 2009

National Dog Day August 26, 2009

Recently I've been getting letters from all over the country from dogs who are not pleased with their current living conditions. These poor animals are tired of working their tails off 24/7 while receiving third class accommodations in return. They are asking - if not pleading, that I rally our canine constituents and any public supporters to stand up to the mindset that states that it is acceptable to treat us dogs as possessions.

 For many of our first years together, dogs and humans had enjoyed a successful symbiotic relationship - one that was beneficial to all. We dogs patrolled the human camps of yesteryear  - protecting our human counterparts from intruders while only requesting that humans help us with tasks requiring thumbs in return. This arrangement worked quite well for many years. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line everything changed  - probably when some human found that putting a rope around our necks was a great way to control us. Since then our relationship has shifted to that of master and servant. We  basically have become objects to many  - tools to exploit. Well, we no longer want to be looked upon as possessions. We want equal standing again and most importantly - STOP GIVING US AWAY AS PRESENTS TO SNOT-NOSED KIDS! 

Yes, we demand equal status with our human counterparts otherwise we will be staging a walk out - and we don't mean the type with leashes. I've been drafting our new Proclamation of Canine Freedoms that will be formally unveiled at this year's National Dog day festivities on August 26, 2009. Under this new decree, it will be required of every new human employer that he set up individual insurance and bank accounts before the arrival of any new canine family member. That way, we can cut down on the brutal practice of convenience gassing -where its cheaper for an owner to get a new dog than to pay for medical treatment. We also want our own bedrooms, access to automobiles, refrigerators, and computers, and most importantly - the right to determine whether or not we want to be fixed. We also demand that radicals such as Bob Barker receive mandatory jail time for all of the crimes committed against our canine citizens from promotion of their extremist agenda - population control my ass!

Overall, many of us would rather take our chances on the streets than to continue on in these conditions. So please support our attempts to level the playing field  as we declare this year's National Dog Day on August 26, 2009 as our K-9 Fourth of July. We will be staging rallies at dog parks all over the country. Check your newspapers for activities in your local area. For those of you in the Burbank area keep an ear out for the upcoming First Annual Leash Burning Party (permit pending) at the Burbank dog park on Screenland Drive - in July. Thanks for your support


  1. Less drool on my slippers, and this will be taken into consideration.

  2. Haley,

    I'm in.

    (enslaved canine of Diaryofamadbathroom)

  3. C.B - no problemo - dry slippers it is!

    Brownie - as per Dg - Welcome aboard!

    True - Thank you - thank you! Great minds think alike!

  4. You know, I gotta be honest here. If some of you mutts could keep from humping every stray that wanders the streets, maybe the "fixing" wouldn't be necessary. I'm all for an "open relationship" among doggie couples, but there's a fine line between "casual sex" and "mutt slutting."

    Nothing personal.

  5. Kirsten - come and join us - it' going to be a blast!

    Chris - no insult taken here but remember that we dogs have our own societal norms that we adhere to. To judge us by human standards is not exactly right either. We are one link away from being wild animals after all.

  6. I have a cat that wants to come live with you...

  7. Phillipia - sorry, living is not what any cat would be doing here with me. I just don't mix well with cats - nothing personal.