Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Those soul sucking kids...

Every now and then the owner and his wife like to reward their twerps for good behavior by giving them a momentary break from the normal routine/house rules. The reward is usually something small like adding more time to the schedule for video games. They believe this makes them good parents but I believe that they are just being naive. They forget that whenever their kids are acting up - electronic devices are usually involved. Although the parent's intentions maybe good - their actions are comparable to basically rewarding a pyromaniac with a book of matches for not starting any fires. Remember how they say how no good deed goes unpunished? Some people just never learn.

I guess it takes an outsider from the animal kingdom to see how all these kid's problems - bad grades, laziness, apathy all stem from those mind numbing electrical gadgets. I'm not sure how my owners don't see the connection! These reward gestures almost always come back then to bite the parents in the end because we're dealing with illogical kids after all. Most of these hellions would be considered legally brain damaged if they were judged solely by their actions. I love the way the little poops twist everything to suite their whims. They'll take a one time gift of an extra fifteen minutes video game time and stretch it daily until they get caught. When discovered, the kids will then stare blankly at their parents or stammer in disbelief - recalling that their parents had changed their schedule for good. 

I know it's just not our family either. Sometimes on my walks around the neighborhood I'll see families sharing a meal in a local restaurant. Unfortunately, the parents never even get a chance to talk to their kids because the kids are too busy with their music or video devices to give their parents the time of day. The best part comes when one of the parents finally decides to put his or her foot down and demands that the kids stop immediately. It is here when they are met with the protest that many of today's games are designed that they cannot be just turned off. Forcing kids to quit without saving progress is just asking for the personal hell of non-stop kid wailing. Be prepared for at least one half hour of complaints as the little life-force suckers go on and on about how they were just about to finish this or that level or beat a boss.

It is no wonder then that parents collapse into their chairs every night tightly clutching nerve saving drinks of their choice - defeated from yet another day's battle - barely able to speak. I often see my owners staring exhaustingly at each other on those types of evenings until one of them finally gets enough strength to ask the other, "Is Law and Order on tonight?" If that is as good as it gets for parents with kids - I'm glad I got fixed.


  1. Yup. That's it in a nutshell. It's worse with the introduction of cellphones. These devices get welded to their hands the the point that their thumbs move in their sleep because they can't shut off the texting reflex. You often complain about not having opposable thumbs. Maybe it's not so bad after all.

  2. DG - Thanks for the reminder - I will count my blessings!