You paid how much? ... For hair?

A pile of Elvis Presley's old stanky hair sold over the weekend for over$18,000 at an auction in Chicago. In a fake interview afterwards, the winning bidder was asked how he felt about his new prize. Gazing out the window of the convention center, the man spotted a homeless family huddling together inside an old abandoned car. "You see that...  those people over there? That's what it's all about! I work hard in order to afford the finer things in life such as Elvis's hair - while other people laze the day away in their cars - no doubt waiting for a handout. It makes me sick!" He added, "It reminds me. I was explaining to my workers the other day that even though I was giving them all pay cuts - they too could one day afford life's little pleasures like Elvis's Hair, or even Neil Sedaka's dandruff -if only they learned to apply themselves and work hard." 

Later, the triumphant bidder rallied the crowd into a frenzy, leading them across the street to the family in the car. Waving American flags, the crowd peppered the homeless family with insults about being lazy, union workers ruining the auto industry, and Obama being a muslim. Many participants said that it was one the most beautiful thing they had ever been a part of. One woman said that she would be the first to endorse, "Joe - the Auction Man" for public office. "I hope he runs. He could wear the hair he just bought on the campaign trail. We'll call him the King of Chicago!"

Elvis Presley couldn't be reached for comment. 

Note: Yes, people work hard for their money and should be able to do as they please. Just keep this type of idiotic indulgence out of the news.