Saturday, May 30, 2009


Hello, my name is Haley and I am a meat-oholic. I've been an addict for about nine years now and have put my family through absolute hell. I have no other excuses for all the unsavory things I've done to satisfy my insatiable cravings other than illness. Everyday I struggle to just make it through the day and I've come to the decision that in order to free my conscious from the demons that haunt me - I must  make a confession.  

Some things I'm deeply ashamed of are; posing as a Seeing Eye dog to gain access to a butcher's store, countless attempts to steal steaks off of family member's plates, and lastly, a long history of incessant begging to anyone with even a small scent of meat product on their person. I even knocked a small child down once at a picnic in order to grab a loosely held hot dog. Ashamed? You bet - but I assure you that I am not a bad dog - just a dog with a problem.  
Saturdays are the hardest day of the week for me to endure because it's when the local Handy Market grills up all their scrumptious foods for the public. The smoky scents that fill the surrounding streets can only be described as magically mouth-watering. It is not an unusual sight to witness one car after another rolling down its windows while passing in order to give its occupants a nostril full of intoxicatingly smoky grilled Godliness. Tragically for me, I have the dog's keen sense of smell so escape is futile. Believe me I've tried. I've spent most of the day with my head in a dirt hole in order to escape but that haunting smell is still banging around inside my skull taunting me to action.

You know what - I take everything back. Forget everything I just stated - I don't have a problem after all. Yeah, I'm good - really! I now plead to anyone out there online today  - please bring me a tri-tip sandwich, BBQ pork ribs, or chicken! Toss whatever you obtain over my fence so that I may partake of my one true love. Man, at this point I'll eat the whole package including the sweet white paper wrapper! In return I'll... er... be your best friend! Whatever you do - don't come to the front door because I'll deny any knowledge of anything. Ok, I'll be waiting - thanks!


  1. Haley, I hear the words of someone locked in deep struggle. Try repeating this:

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the grizzle I cannot chew;
    the courage to marinate the beef cuts I can;
    and wisdom to know sirloin from strip steak.

  2. DG, thank you for your compassion - you are a great friend. That said, are you shipping any food?

  3. (all your readers in unison).
    "hi haley!"

  4. What about wine, Haley? I notice the market also carries wine. Do you like wine? Just wanted to know in case I ever send a house-warming gift. :)

  5. Nooter - Hello back to all my readers/reader!

    Unfinished - I don't have any problems with wine either - very good friend of mine! ;)

  6. The first step is admitting that you have a problem.