And that is where I'm going to stay! I'm tired of that little dog always coming after me so I'm staying outside in my dog hole and refusing to come inside. If anyone wants to adopt me - I'm soooooooo available. I just require that whoever shows up to claim me not have any other dog and that you come and get me during the night when the goofball owner is asleep. I don't think that the doofus owner will mind me moving on but I don't want to take any chances so be absolutely quiet when you show up. I do require Iams lamb and rice dog food and a quiet place to sleep otherwise I'll consider it a deal breaker.
I'm already packed and ready to go. I have my dog towel and my Dogzilla toys (available at Wallmart) - which I love more than anything in the world these days. Do you know that they make rubber toys with chicken flavoring - I kid you not! Yes, and they have a rubber and rope tug toy that is fantastic for taking the smaller dog in your life and flinging him halfway across the yard to get your anger out. Did I just admit to that? Anyway, I've got my stuff packed and am ready to give you the best year to two that I have left as a loyal half-hearted watch dog. Oh, who the hell am I kidding - I'm going to eat your food and sleep the day away. I'm a senior citizen so that's the best I can promise. So come and get me if you want - I'm ready!
After a long week of security patrols here on the compound, I'm really looking forward to relaxing over the weekend. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do but I'm pretty sure it involves nothing. Not only that, I plan on lying on the grass while the moron slaps on his work clothes and goes about yard work just so he can see me doing nothing. Then every chance I get I'll get in his way as he mows the lawn - because I can. I can do so without fear of his little electric green machine since he wouldn't dare run me over and if he did - I'm not too sure it would do any damage anyway. You can not comprehend my shame watching him outside each and every week wearing his dark shorts, black socks, and stretched out v-neck tee shirt pushing that contraption around the yard. All the rest of the block gets buff gas machines and I got the fat version of Ed Begley Jr outside doing the sissy mower dance of the doofus around the front yard. Oh well, I guess I'll be drinking plenty of tequila this weekend! Have a great weekend folks!
