FREEDOM!!!!

I did it - I found out a way to get the lamp shade off by running myself into some corners! The release was probably one of the sweetest moments of my life - take that doofus owner! I decided that I wasn't going to wear that darn thing anymore and then I went to work. Anyone or anything that was in my way - be it animal, vegetable, or mineral was not spared my wrath. I even almost knocked the small human boy over along with a teenage visitor during my rampage. Unfortunately, my victory was short lived.  The village idiot owner came home soon afterwards and put the contraption right back on me - this time adding more banding for good measure. I also received some of the ole stink eye as well. Oh well, the short lived freedom was well worth it. Have a good night folks!

Party dog again...

Well, I did it again. Just when I got the lampshade off - it's back on again. Apparently, one is not allowed to go back to what one loves after life's chains are removed. I can't help myself  - I obsess over certain areas of my paws. I knew I was in trouble when the big doofus caught me licking my paw after dinner. He immediately went into the garage and got my shade out. I really hate that thing! Ok, I'm off to stew over things. Have a good day folks!

Big blow up - July 2009

I can feel it coming on. The first booms occurred last night off in the distance and if memory serves me correctly - I have until tomorrow evening to find a suitable hiding spot. I'll just say it - I can't stand fireworks! Have absolutely no use for them. They hurt my sensitive ears and I'm pretty sure the other dogs on the street are with me on this as well.

At least its not as bad here in Burbank as it was in Florida where every year the neighbors practically blew up the whole street. They would get unlimited supplies at all the tent stands that were set up every block or so. One would then witness an unending procession of people buying fireworks around the clock. I'm guessing that if you combined all the explosive power of all the fireworks sold in the Ft Myers/Cape Coral area around this time of year - it would equal that of a small nuclear device. The only thing that saves the cities is that people don't fire everything off all at once. Instead, they stretch the holiday from one into seven or more days.

Boy, I sure did suffer back there. There were times when I didn't even want to go outside - not even to use the bathroom. Of course that great friend of scared dogs - idiotic owner of mine - would force me outside against my will just because he was afraid I would let loose on the carpets - big moron! Oh well, it didn't last long because as soon as I would hear the first booms - I would run gangbusters into the door trying to get back inside. Once back, I would then spend the rest of the evening in the same place I used for lightning storms - under the owner's bed.

I can feel it coming on - that booming is already rattling inside my brain. I've been sizing up how much room there is under there and making escape plans. I'm hoping the goofball will come to his senses this year and finally call the vet to get me some pills or something. Unfortunately  he's a cheap wad so I'm not holding out much hope. Maybe I'll hit up the living room bar later on to see what kinds of liquors are on the menu - that might calm me down. Have a happy holiday folks!

Ahhhh... Chooo....

That's all I've been hearing the past few days from the big moron owner. My God, he finally gets a job after months of loafing around the house and then he goes and gets a cold. What a sissy! Works all day, comes home and  practically falls through the door onto the floor exhausted. I'm tired he says - like he was really working hard at his new office - training is probably a piece of cake. I can't imagine them putting him through the ringer on the first weak. Regardless, the mans a big wimp and I want nothing to do with him. At this point, I'll refuse to go for a walk if he asks. Who knows - he might have some kind of weird swine/canine flu? I can't risk getting something from him. Have a good day - I'm disgusted!

Relax...

Wow, now that the goofball is back working again - I can't believe how relaxing it is around here! It's refreshing to not have to hear all his whining about high food prices or call outs to the heavens questioning, "why me oh Lord?" - Pathetic! Anyway, I'm so excited about all this that I actually skipped the early afternoon patrol to take a decent nap today. I tell you - this sure is the life! Now I just have to pray that the village idiot doesn't do something stupid to screw this up. The last thing I need is another couple of months of his idiocy around here. As for me - I'm going to continue writing my thoughts and continue to enjoy my extended afternoon naps  - which is my right. Enjoy the day folks!

I'd like to drive...

The teenager of the house is close to getting his license so I'm wondering what's in all this for me. I mean, I'm the loyal dog here - shouldn't I be getting more opportunities to score car rides with another person in the household driving? I guess we'll have to see but I'm looking into things just to cover my bases. I went to the DMV website to investigate what it takes to get a driver's license here in California. So far I haven't seen anything to suggest that dogs are not allowed to drive so that is encouraging.  

I did try to call someone to ask questions but they couldn't understand me and threatened me with harassment of a government offical. Oh well - let them come and get the goofball owner - see how much I care. I would love thought to score a license for myself so I could get the freedom of hitting the open road. It would be great - I'd drive everywhere with my head out the window - enjoying the whip of the wind as it brushed the fur away from my face. I could also howl excitedly while scoring bunches of points taking out all the feral cats running about the streets of Burbank. Maybe they'd even give me a medal or something? My God, that would be beautiful! Well, at the very least I'll still have the teenager if my license doesn't work out. Maybe he will let me be the navigator? Have a great day folks!

Finally!!!

Congrats goes out to the big doofus who finally secured a job for himself late last Friday. I'm shocked - can't imagine anyone who would hire the guy. I wouldn't hire him to man a lemonade stand let alone any position of importance! The only answer I can come up with is that he really must have buffaloed somebody up this time! Anyway, he starts this week so now I will not have to bear with any of his distractions during the day. Unfortunately his wife and brats will still be here but they are only minor annoyances.

I'm hoping the big goofball's absence will enable my research and book project proving my hypothesis on a revolutionary new green energy source that has not been considered by humans yet. I'll keep you posted. I also plan to write my memoir and maybe a book of canine poetry. Lastly, I'm trying to arrange a canine support group for other like-minded dogs on the street who need help dealing with the idiocy of their owners. I'll keep you posted as things develop. Have a great day!